Gloomy sunday

“… And kept walking towards the white shape in a daze like i was a dream being drawn gracefully, the path felt narrow and forever long for my slow steps, while the surroundings faded into a blurry haze and all i could focus my sight on was the pile of the white fur thrown at the side of the road, i knelt infront of it and my heart kept pulsating in my head, a big knot formed in my throat which i could not dissolve nor swallow, the veins felt like there was jam being crammed violently into them, tightening their grip arou
nd my skull and my heart kept resisting the pressure in my head, reaching my hand slowly to the furry shape, a cold pile of flesh and bones was all there left, dead and abandoned at the side of the road after a warm midnight of june, but there was something so cold about it, as if i was reaching out for a pile of ice, and then i begin to feel the ice forming on my own skin and crawling deeper into my veins, my bones, my blood, starting from my hands to the rest of my body, every drop of blood was freezing within me sending a painful chill throughout my whole existence, a shiver that shook my soul, i could feel the hair stand on my skin, now my whole body was frozen in its place for what felt like forever, while my tears dug their way down my cheeks, flooding their way like hot lava melting its way through ice, melting the fragile reality around me, i could feel the unbearable heat on my skin while i was frozen inside, falling on my hands and knees and cried my pain out loudly sobbing and slowly leaving this world behind me, everything melted so fast around me and blurred into tears before they disappear till there was nothing but darkness, there i was in an empty space crying violently like someone vomiting, there was no tomorrow, no yesterday, no now, i was frozen in time, me alone in an endless nothingness as i kept sobbing and shouting while logic crumbled loudly in my head and disappeared, my head felt so light after a while and the knot started to dissolve in my throat but weirdly it got harder to breathe while crying, every memory punching their way into my head and all i could do was taking the hits and cry harder, grit my teeth to gather some strength then spend them all on another rush of tears and groan loude, painfully, “im”, ” im so so sorry..” i heard myself groaning the words out and repeating it over and over, i couldnt figure out what was i sorry for, why i felt so guilty, so worthless, i couldnt know, but the mere thought of the word ‘sorry’ sent me through another rush of loud crying , repeating the words in despair, punching the ground to stop this, “im so sorry”, then the world truned into complete darkness…i must have blacked out”
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